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Monday, August 24, 2015

Food Woes Galore !!

Many many Apps ago, a young couple decided to ring in their one month anniversary with a movie and a dinner. As neither of them possessed any significant culinary skills, they were at the mercy of a cook, or Amma as they lovingly called her. A sweet old lady she did her best to accommodate their wishes when she was not foisting her idea of good food on them. The problem that was accentuated by the fact that neither understood each other's language. So, at times request for a khichdi produced a biryani or a simple 'baingan ka bharta' became 'baghara baingan'. Their initial bewilderment gave way to nonchalance which then turned in resignation after sometime. In short, they became immune to the surprises sprung on them by Amma. "At least the food is hot, fresh and passably good", they would tell everyone and a times, even themselves.

So, with the day being a special one, they wanted to do away with such surprises. Hence, the sweet old lady was given a day off in advance. The morning dawned all bright and sunny. The guy wanted to do something special for his lady and hence he decided to bring her breakfast in bed. Now the gal was feeling very lucky and had her hopes all soaring. But just then, her reverie was broken by the smell of something burning in the kitchen. She rushed to the scene of the crime just in time to see the guy struggling with a omelette which was stuck to the non-stick pan (??). The bread was still stuck in the toaster and it was definitely past the edible stage. Feeble attempts at a chocolate milkshake had resulted in a messed up counter and yielded a liquid concoction that resembled the muddy run-off after a particularly bad downpour. Still marveling at the special skills that could even make an omellete stick to the 'non-stick' pan, she did not take a moment longer to banish him from the kitchen.

Image courtesy : www.tripadvisor.co.uk

Image courtesy : www.sodahead.com

Cleaning up the mess took up most of the morning and by the time she was done, it was brunch time. After the morning debacle, they no longer had any inclination to put their culinary expertise to test. So, it was pizza to the rescue which thankfully gets delivered it 20 mins when the rain Gods are merciful. The hungry couple devoured most of it and refrigerated the leftovers.

Image courtesy : www.parkhillpizza.com

Cut to the evening. The movie started on time and tuned out to be eminently enjoyable. Such that they were left craving for more when it ended just after 9 pm. Their appetites had been whetted and all they wished for was a lovely dinner to conclude the evening. But their romantic thoughts quickly dissipated when they encountered the scene outside the multiplex. Exiting the parking lot, they joined the long queue of cars that were moving at a snail's pace. It had rained while they watched the movie and traffic had come to a complete standstill.

By the time they had negotiated their way though the ocean of slow moving traffic from Madhapur to Gachibowli, it was already 10:30 pm. And thanks to the incessant rainfall, none of the decent looking restaurants were open. After ducking in and out of lanes to find a place that was still open, they settled on a modest looking place called 'Raj Bar and Restaurant' (no reference to DDLJ but adding Raj to the name of every other establishment became quite fashionable thanks to the character essayed by SRK). However, it turned out to be a different story inside. The place was over-flowing with booze and strange looking patrons. They quickly located a table near the door (just in case any emergency arose) and gestured the lone waiter to come over. A liquor brochure was duly placed on their hands. When they insisted for the proper menu, a battered looking leaflet was handed over to them. Picking it up gingerly, partly to prevent it from disintegrating further and partly to avoid contact with whatever germs it harbored, the lady glanced over it. "Tandoori Chicken ?"."Khatam ho gaya". "Kadhai Paneer ?". "Khatam to gaya". "Chilli Chicken ?". "Hau. Time lagega". "Kitna time?". "Aadha ghanta lagega Sir". Now having spent a few years in Hyderabad, they were aware of the peculiar habit of the natives to underestimate everything ranging from a period of time to a specific distance. So, most of the time, 'aadha ghanta' stretched into hours while 'baju wali galli' referred to a lane more than half a kilometer away. Hence, keeping the time frame in mind and reconsidering the steadily thinning crowd in the restaurant, the couple decided to beat a hasty retreat.

It was now close to midnight and the downpour had significantly watered down their expectations. Their next stop was a tiny 'dhaba' that had an extremely limited menu which was displayed on a small blackboard. Battered Chickan - 80 Rupees. Tanduri Chickan - 110 Rupees. Tanduri Roti - 25 Rupees. Lassi - 50 Rupees. Dismissing any thoughts of cruelty that the chicken might have undergone and shrugging off the spelling errors, they ordered for a plate of Butter Chicken and tandoori rotis to go with it. With hunger playing tricks on their imagination, they visualized being served succulent pieces of chicken dunked into a aromatic red gravy and soft white rotis to go with it. Unfortunately the dish that appeared in front of them resembled bits of leftover chicken thrown into a serving bowl along with yesterday's gravy. In addition, an oil slick no less than 2 cm deep floated on top of it. The charred tandoori rotis perfectly complimented the disaster. Having no other option, they tried forcing a morsel into their mouth. It turned out to be full of chillis and they had to order lassi to douse the heat. The lassi was too sour and after 2-3 sips, they could no longer take it. Cursing their fate, they paid the bill and left for home.

The evening had left them with a bad taste in their mouth and a rapidly expanding hole in their stomach. The lady proceeded to warm the pizza leftovers and Mi-lord proceeded to make coffee (his only saving grace in the kitchen) and simultaneously raid the pantry/fridge. Finally, the evening that started with plans of an candlelight dinner ended with them having to appease their hunger with a mismatched meal of pizza leftovers, a Spanish omelette, a few cookies and an extra large cup of coffee. If only it had been TinyOwl to their rescue. They could have chosen the restaurant and cuisine even as they watched the movie and the food would have been delivered to their doorstep at their preferred time. But since this incident happened in the dark ages before the Apps appeared on the scene, our couple endured this horror and lived to narrate their story

Take precaution to save yourself from such a disaster and download the app for your Android (click here) and iOS phone (click here) respectively. Issued in interest of all netizen's convenience.


  1. I love the way you have narrated it! This was every working couple's disastrous weekend story... Until of course the APPS arrived!


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