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Monday, December 8, 2014

Who decides what is right or wrong ??

The very mention of pre-Marital sex is like one of those minefields that I personally fear to tread. Considered taboo in India, I find that almost everyone has a strong opinion on the topic. And most of the time, they are dead against it (or at least they proclaim to be). Surprisingly, many of those people would easily brush aside matters like dowry, sexual harassment and even child sex abuse even without offering an opinion. Often it is looked upon as one of those alien imports that happens to be the unfortunate side effect of modernization/globalization. As if our ever burgeoning population does not provide sufficient testimony to the healthy sex drive of the Indians.

There are two ways of looking at the issue of pre-marital sex. The inside out approach and the outside in. While the first one deals with how it affects the individual, his/her perceptions about the act and his/her overall relationship with the current or future partner/soul-mate. The latter deals with how the immediate family and society perceives an individual who indulges in the act.

Focusing on the inside out approach, the degree of commitment in a relationship and awareness are the vital parameters that the individual should consider before getting into the act. While some folks may find the one-night stand approach quite cool, I feel that it has its repercussions in the long run. It lends a degree of casualness to sex and dilutes the emotional aspect of the act. Somehow all those images that we are regularly bombarded with, thanks to the omnipresent nature of today's media, the entire focus seems to be on the act itself and not on the relationship to which it should have been the natural extension. And the easy availability of contraceptives like the 'morning-after' pill seems to have exacerbated such behavior.

While pre-marital sex itself is not bad, studies have shown that it might lead to emotional problems and substance abuse at a later stage. And when the individuals involved are minors, the problem becomes much more pronounced. Teenagers are more prone to peer pressure and get influenced into doing 'it' for all the wrong reasons.

When individuals have found true happiness in each other's company and share every aspect of their life, physical intimacy is only a matter of time. It may or may not wait for the marriage decree which is merely a social sanction. Some may even choose to live-in for a short period before getting married so that they can judge the compatibility level of their relationship. However, they should be ready to deal with heartbreak if such relationships fail.

But looking at the matter from the larger perspective of the society (especially in India), women have always been treated as the sole property of men. Before marriage she is belongs to her father/brother and after her marriage she is transferred to her husband's family. Her virginity/chastity is treated as being synonymous to her family's honor and any deviation from the deeply entrenched social norms is met with harrowing consequences like honor killings. Guys are however exempt from such bindings and many of them choose to lose theirs to an older female relative or cousin or even a prostitute.   However things are changing slowly with youngsters moving to larger cities for pursuing better education/career prospects. A complete turn around maybe a long time away, but the future certainly looks brighter.

I do stand for pre-marital sex when it comes with a relationship but at the same time I would say that youngsters should have enough maturity to deal with the baggage that come with it. After all, nothing can come between consenting adults...maybe except a condom.

This entry is written for Poonaam Uppal's latest offering, A Passionate Gospel of True Love .Buy it online on Flipkart( click here ).


  1. Nice review,but youngsters has to realise (both girl and boy)

  2. You are right about who decides the wrong or right
    I think both men and women are differently made and its important that both understand that. men will look to spread their seed, while the women will look for stability and security. There needs to be a balance there! and a trade off both parties understand. Sex has become a pressure on young boys and girls- "the in thing" . While so much sex education is out there, I think emotional responsibility that comes along with it, also needs to be talked about. Marriage is not necessarily a certificate to start having sex.

  3. very nicely written :) I wrote on same topic, plz visit and do comment http://vikrams777.blogspot.in/2014/12/sex-biggest-fantasy.html


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